I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
