nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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