i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
