This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize