If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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