Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
