I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
