if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
