just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize