Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
