the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
