I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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