my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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