dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
