the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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