You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
