I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
