No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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