You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
