i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
