I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
