I threw up into my coffee this morning.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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