I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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