Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
