Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
