he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
