some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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