I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
