tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
