Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
