I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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