Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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