I don't think brook has ever known best
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
