Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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