The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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