After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
