Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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