At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
