Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
