its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He kissed a someone with a penis
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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