You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
