i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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