youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
