I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
