Ambien. No doubt about it.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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