walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
