Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
