So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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