His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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