I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I think people are normalizing furries
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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