Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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