wat bout pragnant strippers??
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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