everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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