You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
