i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
