I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
