...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
