So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
