Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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