you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
