moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
