Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
