Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
