I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
