I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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