Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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