An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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