yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
