I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
