If i come over, it means nothing
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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