I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
